I’ve been on this site for four years. Creating nonexistent, soon to die blogs, one after another, being humiliated by what I’d written, my stuff just not up to my own standards, even after so many edits, rewrites, revisions, the whole deal, etc.etc.
What I’ve discovered, though, in those last four years after moving states, changing schools and perspectives is that no matter what I do, if it’s in earnest, then, it is worthy. The fear of rejection and failure is strong, but what I’ve resolved to do is to face it instead of avoiding it for the sake of convenience, for the sake of this false sense of security that comes with normalcy and monotony. Things change quickly in this rabid world, and I’ve come to realize that if I don’t do something with what I’ve been told I have, then the world will bustle by, and I will be only another silent, forgettable at best, pale figure in the background.
Not that I’ve ever wanted to be someone of high prestige, status, immense wealth or anyone like that. The faces in gossip rags fade away without hullabaloo, any attention paid towards them is diverted within seconds as money is spent and rumors are raged, across this world of ours. The superficiality of fame makes no difference to how unremarkable a person is if they do not live in earnest.
I guess that truly living is being able to identify my weaknesses, fears and to come to terms with them. Also amend them. But some cannot be helped, and it’s better to learn how to function without them getting too much in the way. Fear will forever be a large effector of my life, but growing up means having to deal with them so here I sit, typing out a blog post that I would’ve never written if I had more sense. But I don’t, and never have had and never will have.
The power of words is potent. They sting and they burn and they graze and choke, but they soothe, nurture and comfort too. What’s important is that I get to play around with them here, just so that I can evolve with them.
This isn’t a rant blog, a lifestyle blog, a story blog, or one of those little vaguely philosophically influenced blogs that you see on Tumblr or Buzzfeed or whatever. In my opinion, I wouldn’t call this blog a “something” blog. Labels only restrict and restrain, and that was why the deletion and deletions and revisions and reversions and so on so forth took place in the first place.
So, I hope what I’ve written is substantial and coherent (hopefully it is coherent, I don’t understand myself sometimes, much less everyone else) and that at least it is somewhat fulfilling/ enlightening/ isn’t a waste of your time.
Thank you for reading this.